- If I die before you wake...
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- If I die before you wake...
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Harry BerndtWhy Wait? Move to EarthLink.If I die before you wake...
Back home now I know you're probably sleepin'
Over here it's the middle of the day
I finally found the time to write a letter
Sittin' here a half a world away
I heard about all them folks protestin'
As if I really want this war
But that don't stop me from believin'
There's just some things worth fightin' forCHORUS
And if I die before you wake,
I pray the world will take
A good look at what God's given us
That we could only understand,
everything is in his hands
All we need is a little faith and trust
I want you to know it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wakeTell everybody that I miss them
And I can't wait to get back home
But until then I'll serve my country
And be proud to wear this uniformCHORUS
No it ain't too high a price to pay
If I die before you wake
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Tags: | Edit Tags Sunday April 8, 2007 - 05:37am (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Lizard birthing
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If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed! Lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute.. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
Inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically! )
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically."Oh, very interesting, " he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back."
He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just. .. Excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that. .. I'm picturing you pulling on its... Its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie.....Priceless
Moral of the story: Finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!!!source:
Date: Fri, 2 Mar 2007 16:47:01 -0800 (PST) From: View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
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Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2006 08:29:39 -0800 (PST) From: "RICHARD CARTER"
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Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn moreSubject: Fwd: FW: Fwd: Just when we think we have it bad........Tags: | Edit Tags Sunday April 8, 2007 - 05:31am (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments - to remind you
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This may look like a joke or cartoon but it really is a serious article.
It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated while many people looked the other way! Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be "a myth," it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.
This e-mail is intended to reach forty-million people worldwide!
Join us and be a link in the memorial chain and help us distribute it around the world.
Please send this e-mail to 10 people you know and ask them to continue the memorial chain.
Please don't just delete it. It will only take you a minute to pass this along - Thanks!source:
Date: Thu, 1 Feb 2007 11:58:51 -0800 (PST) From: Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn moreSubject: Fwd: FW: A Serious Remindercool big blueeyes
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cool big blueeyes is your Friend.
Date: Tue, 6 Feb 2007 11:57:27 -0800 (PST) From: "Claudia Johnson"
Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert Subject: The Event That Can't Be Erased Tags: | Edit Tags Sunday April 8, 2007 - 05:25am (EDT) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Here's One for Ya
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From: FastCar38@aol.com [mailto:FastCar38@aol.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 07, 2006 7:12 PM
To: FastCar38@aol.com
Subject: Here's One for YaWELL, HERE'S ONE FOR YA!!!!!!!!
?
No Crosses on
?
Federal Property!
?
?
Did you see in the news last week
where the supreme court doesn't want any crosses on Federal property?
Crosses on Federal Property?
Well duh......... (Scroll Down)?
??
Let them try and remove these.??
?
What are these people thinking?
?
At what point do we say, enough
? is enough?
?
Please pass this on to as many
? people possible as quickly as you
? can even if you normally don't do
? this type of thing.
?
?Some messages just need to be forwarded and this is most certainly one of them.?
?
Please take the time.
?
source:
Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2006 10:22:42 -0800 (PST) From: Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn moreSubject: Fwd: FW: Here's One for YaTags: | Edit Tags Sunday December 17, 2006 - 04:59am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Let us pray...
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From: Virginia L. Higbee [mailto:vhigbee@adelphia.net]
Sent: Thursday, December 14, 2006 7:00 PM
To: makrug@aol.com; 'Tom Eriksen'; 'Johnson, Patricia'
Subject: FW: Fwd: Just when we think we have it bad........
I'm not breaking this one. If I get it a 1000 times, I'll forward it a 1000 times!
Let us pray...
Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it!
Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer for our soldiers. Don't break it!
Prayer:
"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."
Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world.
There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book. Do not ! let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON!source:
Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2006 08:29:39 -0800 (PST) From: Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn moreSubject: Fwd: FW: Fwd: Just when we think we have it bad........Tags: | Edit Tags Sunday December 17, 2006 - 03:35am (EST) Edit | Delete | Permanent Link | 0 Comments
Friday, 10 July 2009
If I die before you wake...
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